Meet the Wrestlers

LUEWWDstache: Beauty and the Brawn, part deux

Benefiting Habitat for Humanity of Durham

April 30, 2017

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE WRESTLER

VOLUNTEER AT THE EVENT

Annie Get Your Guns

Annie Get Your Guns began building homes with Durham Habitat in 2016. She’s new to arm wrestling, but rest assured her heavy lifting for new homeowners has left her with the guns to do battle.

VOTE FOR ANNIE GET YOUR GUNS WITH YOUR DOLLARS

The Boss Lady

The Boss Lady started slinging beers here at McCabe’s after she received her proverbial art degree in college. Since then, she sassed her way to the top and is now running the joint in between arm wrestling bouts with the local bar flies. Don’t let her sweet facade fool, she’s only smiling because she’s imagining pinning your wrist to the table.

VOTE FOR THE BOSS LADY WITH YOUR DOLLARS

Nadia VicTori (pic and voting link coming soon)

Nadia VicTori (also known as the strongest woman alive), born and raised in the circus as the daughter of a trapeze artist and a lion tamer, has spent her life traveling the world performing feats to exemplify her amazing strength.

 

Storminator

Durham. 2017 A.D. Her biceps rose from the ashes of the nuclear fire. Her war to exterminate weak arms had raged for years, but the final battle would not be fought in the future. It would be fought here, in our present. Sunday, April 30th at LUEWWDstache.

VOTE FOR THE STORMINATOR WITH YOUR DOLLARS

LUEWWD XIV: Double O LUEWWD

Benefiting Partners for Youth Opportunity (PYO)

October 15, 2016

RSVP AND INVITE YOUR FRIENDS

OUR SPONSORS

Contestants are vying for the following titles: LUEWWD Champion, Durham Diva and Madame Moneymaker. A Queen of the Losers will also be crowned. You can help contestants with their run for any of these titles by cheering them on, bribing the judges and voting for each contestant with your dollars.

Can’t make it to the event or want to start giving now to see your favorite wrestler win Madame Moneymaker?

Donate to PYO and specify your favorite wrestler’s name (real or stage) in the Memo 
http://bit.ly/PYOLUEWWD

Dr. Destroyer

Undeterred by any challenge and prepared by the twin-forces of competitive eating and weightlifting, the Dr. is ready to bring her formidable biceps to the table! She’ll take a big ol’ bite out of the competition! VOTE FOR DR. DESTROYER
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June Cleavage

Coming to you from the dirty south, June Cleavage knows about southern hospitality. She’ll crush you under her high-heeled shoe, then send your momma a casserole to serve at your funeral. She’s sweeter than cherry pie and saucier than your granny’s Salisbury steak. Bless your hearts and gird your loins, it’s June Cleavage! VOTE FOR JUNE CLEAVAGE

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Libby Liberty

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame is the imprisoned lightning. Her name, Libby Liberty. Forget about the tired, poor, and huddled masses. She seeks the strong, rich, and rowdy wrestlers. She’s made of steel and she’s fighting for the right to bare arms! VOTE FOR LIBBY LIBERTY
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Lily Von Strap

Lily Von Strap headed West on a mission to provide protection and safety to all working girls. Along the way she gathered a group. The Rough Riders, who help with hostile takeovers and enforcement of the new rules in town….VOTE FOR LILY VON STRAP
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The Painted Lady

The Painted Lady hailing from the depths of dark and smoky saloons is a force not to be reckoned with. Handling drunk gritty old men and tossing the occasional self-proclaimed hero through her double swinging doors, she is no stranger to what it means to be a tough contender by her witty charm and snapping arms. VOTE FOR THE PAINTED LADY

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Purdy Holsom

Purdy Holsom is a Durham musician/comic/wrestler whose songs will make you laugh, and whose moves will make you cry. Don’t be fooled by her size–she’s five feet of fury. VOTE FOR PURDY HOLSOM

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Smurf the Savage

Savage Smurf was born in a rotten old mushroom house on the outskirts of the Cursed Land. Captured, smurfed, and sentenced to exile for her brutish behavior, she wandered the deep, dark forest, scavenging for Smurfberries and defending herself from the evil Gargamel. She has emerged today to seek revenge on her Smurfly kin and destroy all who underestimate her Smurferocity. VOTE FOR  SMURF THE SAVAGE

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Wilma Wonka

The disowned daughter of a famous chocolatier you may have heard of. Wilma Wonka is here for LUEWWD event along with her lady loompahs. Leaving the chocolate factory at a young age you best believe she didn’t leave without taking some recipes and secrets with her. VOTE FOR WILMA WONKA
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OUR SPONSORS

LUEWWD XIII:The Rocky Horror LUEWWD Show

Benefiting Cribs for Kids

October 3rd, 2015

Contestants are vying for the following titles: LUEWWD Champion, Durham Diva and Madame Moneymaker. A Queen of the Losers will also be crowned. You can help contestants with their run for any of these titles by cheering them on, bribing the judges and voting for each contestant with your dollars.

Cindy the Crib Crusher

Cindy the Crib Crusher by day is Durham’s Safe Sleep Ambassador providing Safe Sleep Education and new pac n play’s to Durham families. By night the Crib Crusher’s mission is to crush unsafe cribs with her bare hands!…Bumper pads and stuffed animals fear the Crusher…she is glam with the slam! And will cross the line to raise money for Cribs for Kids Durham…

I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night, I’m starved, and I’m armed! Don’t *mess* with me!Cindy

Vote for Cindy the Crib Crusher!

Deja Voodoo

Rising out of the forces of nature and the spirits of the dead, Déjà Voodoo is the “Boss Woman” of the under(arm)world. Her secret knowledge from the Bayou boudoirs has the rich and elite hypnotized by the powerful, mysterious force in her hand. Under a mask of elegance she destroys without mercy. Beyond the sensation that you’ve been in her stronghold before…No one is left unmoved by an encounter with the powerful Déjà Voodoo.

Deja VoodooVote for Deja VooDoo!

Donna Tramp

Donna Tramp is a self-made businesswoman who just so happened to be born into a rich family. She runs a successful series of strip clubs, sex shops, lingerie made in Mexico, and several best-selling self-help books. She turned down the renewal of her top-rated TV show, “Screaming at Idiots in Business Suits,” to run for the next president of the United States of America, just because she can.

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Vote for Donna Tramp!

Angela Slamsbury

Angela Slamsbury is bringing us a new twist on an old episode called ‘The Arm Wrestling Smackdown She Wrote.’ In this episode, Slamsbury must evade capture by the mostly inept Sheriff Tupper as she buries one opponent after another on the LUEWWD stage.

“Pinstripe” Liègeois

Pinstripe isn’t your typical Frenchwoman. As the fashionable face of the Milieu Liègeois mafia, she hits the streets in stilettos and doesn’t take slack from anyone. Pinstripe strong-arms her way into getting what she wants, so you should always be looking over your shoulder whenever she’s around. She should be considered “armed” and dangerous, and she’s not afraid to bring out her big guns. One way or another, she’ll have you exclaiming, ‘Sacre bleu!’

contestantVote for Pinstripe Liègeois!

Enchata

Enchata is the hero that the world needs today, although it does not know it. The embodiment of sensuality and class, she has established herself as the savior of all things fabulous and fly. She is a big, beautiful specimen of woman that exudes mystery and captures everyone’s intrigue.

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Dewey Decimator

Marian the Librarian got fed up with constant censorship battles at work. Taking a cue from one of her favorite constantly challenged books, “Captain Underpants!,” she decided to take action. Now, after a busy day of “Shushing!” and circulation, she transforms into Dewey Decimator and fights for the rights of dissemination of information for all! Watch out for Dewey Decimator and her Band of Banned Books!

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Vote for Dewey Decimator!

Dora the Destroyer

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Vote for Dora the Destroyer!

LUEWWD XII:Express Yourself

Benefiting Q.O.R.D.S.

April 25, 2015

Want more info about the event? Send us a note here.

Contestants are vying for the following titles: LUEWWD Champion, Durham Diva and Madame Moneymaker. A Queen of the Losers will also be crowned. You can help contestants with their run for any of these titles by cheering them on, bribing the judges and voting for each contestant with your dollars.

 

Agent SkullCrusher

Agent SkullCrusher is a bad ass doctor who believes the rational truth can be found by breaking skulls. She spends most of her time analyzing data, talking about data, and writing about data…and feasting on the blood of her opponents. And that is what I am putting in my field report!

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VOTE FOR AGENT SKULLCRUSHER WITH YOUR DOLLARS

 

Agent Smolder

Agent Smolder is rising from the ashes to prove naysayers wrong. Smolder can sniff out any cover-up and is always probing for the truth. The brawn to Skull E Crusher’s brains, this special agent will soon have the opponents shouting “I want to believe!”

agent smolder

 VOTE FOR AGENT SMOLDER WITH YOUR DOLLARS

 

Callyer Doctor

Twisted and mutated by an unfortunate experiment in their lab while trying to find the cure to everything, Callyer Doctor was transformed into an arm wrestling mad man machine.  They enjoy milkshakes, walk in the woods, bench pressing their friends, trampoline park battles, and crushing their opponents!  You’re going to want to call your doctor if you happen to run in to them.

Callyer Doctor

 VOTE FOR CALLYER DOCTOR WITH YOUR DOLLARS

 

Deja Voodoo

Rising out of the forces of nature and the spirits of the dead, Déjà Voodoo is the “Boss Woman” of the under(arm)world. Her secret knowledge from the Bayou boudoirs has the rich and elite hypnotized by the powerful, mysterious force in her hand. Under a mask of elegance she destroys without mercy. Beyond the sensation that you’ve been in her stronghold before…No one is left unmoved by an encounter with the powerful Déjà Voodoo.

Deja Voodoo

 VOTE FOR DEJA VOODOO WITH YOUR DOLLARS

 

La French Wrestle-ution

Born in the slums of Paris as the lovechild of Napoleon and Marie-Antoinette, “Le French Wrestle-ution” was cast out of her motherland for making foie gras out of mimes. She has come to America to take away your freedom fries and impose the metric system!

Her croissant-shaped biceps: “comme ci” and “comme ca” have been striking fear into the hearts of North Carolinians for the past 4 years. You think you can beat her, baguette-about-it.

La French Wrestle-ution

 VOTE FOR LA FRENCH WRESTLE-UTION WITH YOUR DOLLARS

 

Medie Kaytid

She doesn’t bite…well not this week at least. No one knows where she came from really, however she’s been a longtime resident of the Happy Home Sanitarium, where life is beautiful all the time! Make no mistake though, behind that wide smile and calm exterior lies a beast longing to break free and wreak havoc.

Medie Kaytid

 VOTE FOR MEDIE KAYTID WITH YOUR DOLLARS

 

Slamica Patrick

Slamica Patrick hails from Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa where she grew up fast and drove hard.  She drives the #69 Go-Mama Toyota full time for Eno River Racing. Slamica likes to start her races on top and stay there. She’s got a hunger for competition and is ready to go green for a good cause. Boogity Boogity Boogity, Let’s go racin’ LUEWWD!

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VOTE FOR SLAMICA PATRICK WITH YOUR DOLLARS

 

Sophia “I Ain’t Going to No Nursing Home” Petrillo

From the heart of Miami, we bring you the sassiest and fiercest geriatric in the land, Sophia “I ain’t going to no nursing home” Petrillo. She, along with her gang of non-conformist roommates, are here to burn down this joint. You think that retirement home went down on accident? Let’s just say Sophia wasn’t going to be locked down in no home and took matters into her own hands. Those ties to the mob were no coincidence. She’s here to fight for the title and to take all you youngsters down.

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VOTE FOR SOPHIA WITH YOUR DOLLARS

LUEWWD XI: First in Fight! happened on Saturday, September 20th, at Social Games and Brews.

Click here for a summary of the event with results.

  OUR SPONSORS

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LUEWWD XI: First in Fight!

Benefiting Durham First In Families

September 20, 2014

Contestants are vying for the following titles: LUEWWD Champion, Durham Diva and Madame Moneymaker. A Queen of the Losers will also be crowned. You can help contestants with their run for any of these titles by cheering them on, bribing the judges and voting for each contestant with your dollars.

Amelia “The Bermuda Bruiser” Earhart

Amelia “The Bermuda Bruiser” Earhart, heroine of travel, discovered a worm hole and escaped the fate of a castaway. Crazed by solitude, she dove into the unknown with nothing left to lose. Her journey began in a plane and ends in the ring.

 

Big Mama Mayhem

As a result of enduring the day after day turmoil of having three hellions run around the house naked, stuffing snack packs into those puny ass lunch boxes, having to bear the cries of slap fests and patching the boo boos, tackling the mountain of laundry and endless pile of dishes… the dearest mother we all know and love broke down in a fit of hysteria. 

She found her way out of insanity through the under-ground world of arm wrestling and became Big Mama Mayhem! She comes arm… and hammered! Ready to drop one opponent after the other! Big Mama Mayhem – LET THE SPANKING BEGIN!!! 

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Dawn of the Dead

Clawing out of her dank and musty grave at Maplewood Cemetery, she’s looking for BRAINS, but she’ll settle for biceps!!Sick and tired of the ‘Living’ taking home LUEWWD belts, Dawn has returned from her resting place to claim a belt for the undead. Leading a ragtag group of soulless corpses, she’s come to show the living how it’s done. So tell Rick to get Carl back in the house where it’s safe, and mind your BRRAAIINNSSSS! It’s Dawn of the Dead and the Deadly Undead Durhamites!!!!!

Dawn of the Dead

Detroit’s Dangerous Diva

Ladies and Gents! Straight from the dark alleys of the ORIGINAL Dirty D, I give you, Detroit’s Dangerous Diva! She may look innocent but she is far from it! This bad-ass lady vixen will lure you in with her smile, then crush you with her biceps. As quick as a Mustang, she’ll make you wish you never entered the ring! Get your wallets out and donate to this LUEWWD’s sure-fire champion!
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Gilda Rocks

As a Physical Education/Fitness expert Gilda Rocks takes great pride in life fitness. Encouraging others to live a healthy life and stay fit. Her passion for fitness is contagious and her fan club continues to grow. Gilda Rocks likes challenges so a year ago she traded in her flash dance shoes, gym shorts and whistle to jump into the ring of arm wrestling. The fans of arm wrestling took to her energy right away. Creating sold out venues and huge groupies. Gilda Rocks enjoys her fans and encourages them to follow her healthy life style.

Gilda Rocks

 

Kickasserole

Like your favorite comfort food, she is equal parts good and bad for you. Peddling her comfort foods in flavor sealed tupperware dishes from coast to coast, banned from respectable institutions that had no respect for her stewed Italian shortribs and fiesta cheesy rice! She’s out to get you, feed you, and set you up with a lovely tupperware starter set!

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Maverick

I may not be the veteran in the arm wrestling world, but I am willing to take chances and push myself to the limits to be the “Top Gun” of the tournament.

Sister Mary Catherine McPain

Sister Mary Catherine McPain has always been a little defiant and a bit of a troublemaker. At an early age her parents decided they could no longer handle her sassy ways so they took her to a local nunnery and left her to be raised by some very treacherous nuns. At Our Lady of Perpetual Torment she was schooled in the fine arts of ruler smacking and paddle whacking. Now, Sister Mary Catherine McPain goes forth into the community to kick ass and take names. This no-nonsense nun is ready to make a believer out of you and convert your dollars into donations. Don’t let the outfit fool you she’s one tough cookie with more than a few bad habits.

Sister Mary Catherine McPain

 

 


 

LUEWWD X: We Deliver!

Benefiting Durham Connects

May 17, 2014

 

Belle Dominique Tryst

Belle Dominique Tryst is the embodiment of the We Deliver mantra. She puts a new twist on the world’s oldest profession. Treat her like a lady out on the town and she will demurely cling to your elbow. But away from the public’s view, Dominique Tryst will show you her darker side. Get her in the ring with her elbows on the pads and she will painfully escort you down to the Loser’s bracket.

Belle Dominique Tryst

 

Death Knight

Spawned by the Lady of the Lake and Excalibur, Death Knight hails from the enchanted lands of Queen Arthur and Camelot.  The undefeated hero of royalty, tamer of dragons, and slayer of evil, she now ventures forth from Camelot, seeking new darkness to defeat.  Despite all her victories, Death Knight has only suffered mere flesh wounds.  Watch out — she will get medieval on you in her quest for justice and righteousness!!

Death Knight

Heavy Metal Mama

Hailing from dive bars and mosh pits unknown, the heavy metal mamma hung up her moshing boots for practical flats long ago but still can’t shake the need to RAWK OUT with her mom jeans out. Superpowers include holding her daughter and a laundry basket with a Lita Ford Guitar Grip, and conducting conference calls doing the Deadly Don Dokken Stage Stance.  She is probably too old for this, but like metal and KISS  come back tours – some things just can’t be stopped (even when you want them to).

Heavy Metal Mama

Inmate 27701

She is not about to tell you where she’s from or much about her past. It’s none of your damn business, okay? She has been called angry and unruly. You don’t know the half of it. Suffice it to say she has seen it all and don’t think you can surprise her.

A few things she is willing to share:
She’s not afraid of anything.
She is seeking justice. And she will get it.
If you want to know more, ask her. But watch your back.

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It’s Pat!

You guys, Pat is tired of all the questions. Pat wants people to love Pat, just the way Pat is!! Will Pat take you to the right? Or will Pat take you to the left? Either way, Pat’s ok in our eyes!! The SNL crew has Pat’s back tonight!

Pat

The Jolly Gestational Giant

The Jolly Gestational Giant has climbed down from her home in the trees and vines in the sky to plant her feet on earth to fight for working lady giants everywhere! With her sweet peas in the oven and baby peas in tow, this working mom knows how to pound the pavement and throw down anyone messing with her mom posse. Get outta the way or get crushed like fresh peas. PREPARE FOR A GIANT STOMPING!

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Lady Arm-A-Geddon

At four foot nothing Lady Arm-A-Geddon proves to be a monster in her league! A master of the human body, she is said to be the brainchild of Victor Frankenstein.  With spare parts in hand, she leads her circulating technicians in sewing and creating bizarre but extraordinary lifeforms.  Always testing the limits of human muscles and cells, her knowledge of medicine and biology could prove to be a force to be reckoned with! Wrestlers beware…Mwahahaha!!

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La French Wrestle-lution

Born in the slums of Paris as the lovechild of Napoleon and Marie-Antoinette, “Le French Wrestle-lution” was cast out of her motherland for making foie gras out of mimes. She has come to America to take away your freedom fries and impose the metric system!

Her croissant-shaped biceps: “comme ci” and “comme ca” have been striking fear into the hearts of North Carolinians for the past 3 years. You think you can beat her, baguette-about-it.

La French Wrestle-lution

 

LUEWWD IX: Nailin’ It!

Benefiting Habitat for Humanity of Durham

September 7, 2013

 

Guillo Tina

Guillo Tina, the lovechild of Sweeney Todd and Janis Joplin, has hitched rides on garbage trucks from Paris to Paraguay, spreading the word that Girls Rock. Those who disagree have a choice of her specialties: lopping off their heads or cutting ’em off at the knees. Guillo Tina and her Garbage Pail Kids are on the hunt for trash-talking haters. Be very afraid. Guillotina_Final

Monster Cookie

LUEWWD I Champion Monster Cookie is back to defend her title. Monster Cookie is a bit of a local legend. We know that she is a woman of the world who is frequently jet setting to South Africa, Louisiana and her homeland at the heart of Mecklenburg County. It’s not clear how she landed here in Durham but rumor has it that she came in a swirling storm of pink and black crinoline dancing the tarantella on bar tops from Charlotte to Durham.  Legend suggests that it’s wise to leave her story a mystery – but other contestants ought to be aware of three things: 1) she is a fierce and fearless competitor; 2) if her words don’t snap you in half, her arm will; and 3) oatmeal cookies are her kryptonite.

Old MacDominatrix

Old MacDominatrix isn’t your typical farm-wife. She has a darker side, one rooted in pain. She founded a society for others of her persuasion: 50 Shades of Hay. OMD and her entourage will whip the competition into submission. This farmer in the dell will make your life a living hell!

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Pigeon “Daddy Issues” McGina

Pigeon “daddy issues” McGina is the illegitimate daughter of Hawk from the WWF’s Legion of Doom. At the age of 11, in an attempt to win her estranged father’s approval, Pigeon took up arm wrestling for money in the cellar of a seedy brothel. Still, her father refused to have a relationship with Pigeon until she could become a World Champion of arm wrestling. Pigeon has fought her way up the ranks of arm wrestlers by taking ANY challenger…man, woman, or child. Word to the wise, stay out of her way because she’s on a mission to take it to the top!!!  Pigeon McGina

Reba the Wrench

Reba, accompanied by her crew of ‘Habi-screws’, is ready to impart great force against substandard housing in Durham.  With precise torque, Reba plans to grip anyone who gets in the way of her mission of building, repairing and selling affordable homes with people who care.  Reba will fit one over any of the nuts that dare to interfere with her range of movement. So, heads up dead bolts, Reba’s steely jaws are coming!

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Rocky Scissher

As the love child of Rocky Balboa and a Russian belly dancer, Rocky Scissher had anything but humble beginnings. She  dreamed of being the featherweight champion of Siberia, training secretly day and night. Forbidden from boxing by her father, Scissher took to the underground arm-wrestling circuits in the motherland. Fueled by daddy issues and a genetic urge for competition, nothing can stop her journey to the top. Watch out ladies, the old country is about to have a new champion.

Subrina Zero

Subrina Zero has been tucked away in the coldest parts of the Netherrealm,  learning the art of cryomancing following in her twin brother’s footsteps. Only the most ruthless assassins are trusted with this task. Now, she is ready for her first fatality. video_games_mortal_kombat_logos_logo_desktop_2000x1250_hd-wallpaper-667376

Work It Out Barbie

Work It Out Barbie is a fierce warrior goddess striving to push harder, run faster and climb higher. She starts on “full” each day and never hits “empty.” She has reclaimed hot pink as a color that signifies she is a badass fit chick. She built her own Dream House from start to finish with a little help from her crew. She ain’t got time for excuses, and is ready to build another Dream House with other badass friends. full_1376659154

LUEWWD VIII: Industrial Strength

Benefiting Liberty Arts and Scrap Exchange

April 2013

Betty Rumble

One morning Betty Rumble realized her life was a Stone Age Hell. So she packed up Bam-Bam in her Flintmobile and said goodbye to Bedrock. Now, Betty pays for bar tabs and baby formula alike by busting heads as a bouncer in Vegas. She’s picked up some good friends and even better wrestling moves while living in the city of Sin. Get ready… the Rumble Crew is here to rock your world! Betty Rumble

Kit “The Killer” Kellar

Are you crying?! There’s no crying in arm wrestling!! After losing the World Series in the All American Girls Professional Baseball League, Kit “The Killer” Kellar and her team “The Peaches” left baseball and are out to conquer the arm wrestling world series. Kit and her team are here for vengeance so LET’S PLAY BALL! IMG_20130222_002901

Lisa “Left Arm” Lopes

Formerly an R&B video vixen, Lisa “Left Arm” Lopes got sick of being relegated to the realm of halter tops and rump shaking. Ready to bring some hips back to hip hop, Left Arm and her crew of lady rap vigilantes, Flavor “The Dominator” Flav, MC Slammer, E-Pain, and LudaPriss began taking over the boys’ clubs of cyphers and bboy battles by force. There’s no stopping this P**ntang Clan, so you’d better prepare to get served. LeftArm

Lotta Doe

Since Lotta was a little fawn she’s been hoofin’ it in the fields from dusk til dawn.  Roaming cornfields from coast to coast keeping up her reputation as the Queen of Does.  So tough she wears the antlers in her herd.  All year round bucks follow her.  Only the toughest of them are initiated into her crew, the Big Bucks.  True only the Biggest buck will do.  Even though her name is Lotta Doe don’t be afraid to support her efforts with your own big bucks.  Fence your garden and lock your doors “Lotta Doe” tramples her way to the top.  It’s always Ruttin’ time in the ring!

Pippi Strongstockings

Pippi and her gang of sexy pirates have run aground at Wilmington and headed inland to bury their ‘treasures.’ While they’re ashore, they decided to take the bull by the horns and show you lily-livered yellow-bellied landlubbers a thing or two. Anyone who gets in their way will be whipped and made to walk the plank.

Scrappy Sally (Wrestling for Reuse)

She may seem scrawny, but Scrappy Sally has been skirmishing against scoundrels who are wanton in their wasteful ways. She has scoured the seven seas in search of a simple style of subsistence sans plastic packaging and the plethora of pre-packaged products that plague our planet. Sally spends her time cleverly concocting creations from the many magnificent materials that exist existentially in search of new purpose. Watch out for this wily woman… she’s ready to raise a crafty cacophony and kick some a$$! Hulk

Steel Magnolia

Made in the finest forges of the Deep South, Steel Magnolia was raised a Proper Southern Lady, but just beneath that fine porcelain complexion is a fiery rebel with a heart of steel. Steel Magnolia is a Southern Belle on the rampage, and she’s ready to kick some a$$…bless your heart! Aliea

Trashley the Treasure Troll

Trashley had a grand life as the granddaughter of Lord Treasure, founder of Treasure Troll Land. Tagged as the black sheep among her prim and proper siblings, Trashley set out into the Kingdom to live the daring life she craved. Trashley met up with Outtacontroll, Badass, Granola, Boujee, Tricky and Parole Troll to make her own way. Never underestimate the power of Treasure Trolls. LET’S DO THIS. Trashley the Treasure Troll

LUEWWD VII: LUEWWD Science

Benefiting EWH / Girls Engineering Change

August 2012

Maid of Dishonor

Too many weddings have pushed this bridesmaid over the top.  This Maid of Dishonor is tired of Brunches, Bouquets, and Bachelorette parties.  She’s ready to throw down!  She is here to represent all those bridesmaids out there who have shelled out big bucks for that UGLY dress, hosted one too many showers, and danced with creepy Uncle Bob!  Watch out because this bridesmaid and her crew of single ladies are ready to rumble!!

Havanna the Renegade

When I was 11 years old, my whole family was arrested by the corrupt government of Cuba that terrorizes its own citizens.  They were working in their own tobacco fields when the government seized control for its own selfish needs.  My family has been imprisoned in Durham, NC, for nearly ten years.  Now I am here to fight for their release and glory!

Soccer Maim

This Mom keeps her minivan and her family on the run ever since she snapped during little Robby’s last soccer game!  Red card, Schmed Card!   Coaches, take heed, she knows how long her kid’s been on the bench!  Dance Moms, forget about it!  Her baby’s the MOST talented dancer there is! Don’t make her come down there!!  She rocks the mom jeans, keeps her kids clean and won’t take back talk from anyone!!

Madcow

Madcow was born and raised on a peaceful dairy farm in the rolling hills of Tennessee. One day, after a freak accident, a nearby train full of radioactive material derailed and crashed over her, covering her in hazardous waste. She arose from the wreckage a raging, powerful, unstoppable supercow with the strength of a whole herd.

Jackie “The Hammer” Henry

We are all familiar with Jon Henry, the greatest “steel-driver” ever.  He pushed to expand the railroads from the East to the West, and to save his job, and the jobs of his men, Henry raced a steam-powered hammer proving his might over the machine.  Well like most folklore this projection of the tale is a bit flawed, there was never any “Jon” Henry, however, there was and Jackie.  May I present  Jackie “The Hammer” Henry.

Test Tube Mama

Test Tube Mama was, for many years, a quiet doctor helping women have children.  While trying to develop a super fertility drug, a lab accident left her forever-pregnant.  With hormones raging, you better watch out because this Mama is always watching over her test tube babies!

Sporty Spartan

Leader of the little known all-female performance group from the 90s, The Spartan Girls, Sporty Spartan has a bad attitude and a score to settle since those [insert expletive here], The Spice Girls, stole her group’s idea and made a sleazy, sell-out version.  She’ll be joined by all 4 of her groupmates, Baby Spartan, Posh Spartan, Ginger Spartan, and of course, Scary Spartan.  Don’t get in their way, the industry taught them to do anything they have to in order to get to the top.  Prepare for glory! Tonight we dine in hell!

Oompa, the Oompa Loompa

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo Oompa’s got a perfect puzzle for you. Oompa Loompa, do-ba-da-dee, If you are wise you’ll listen to me. Who will leave her competition with their mouths agape? From the Swangdoodles and  a Horn Swagglers, Oompa did escape, Despite her minute size, her strength is impressive. Society’s problems, and there are many, make her aggressive. She is a formidable foe. Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da, If you don’t cross her, You will live in happiness too, Like the Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-doo. Do-ba-dee-doo

LUEWWD VI: March BADness

Benefiting Schoolhouse of Wonder

March 2012

Arm Raider

She has searched remote caves throughout the world in search of the mysteries of the ancient arm wrestlers, fighting and defeating countless enemies to gain the secrets of the ancients. Having learned those secrets, she comes here now to do battle. She is, the ARM RAIDER!

Lil Chick and the Left Wingers

Lil’ Chick is a scrappy and high-strung aging hen who started life in a factory farm injected with all sorts of toxic chemicals and hormones resulting in an odd assortment of plumage and poultry appendages. After years of forced egg-laying, Lil with several of her leftist leaning “hen-rades” escaped the factory life and settled in NC. Freed from their bondage, Lil and her entourage can be found scouring the roadsides for discarded paperbacks and wine bottles which after consuming results in all night wrestling frenzies from which Lil has emerged Undefeated.

Lady Lightning and the Storm Chasers

She’s difficult to chase down and hard to miss! Lady Lightning will blow you away in flash. Bolting around from town to town, Lady Lightning and her Storm Chasers have been tormenting the world with their unmatched forces of nature for centuries. Challenge her if you dare, but be prepared to weather the storm!

The Tooth Scary

Scary grew up in the shadow of her sister, the Tooth Fairy. After realizing that she couldn’t compete with her sister’s popularity, Scary enrolled in dental school. However, she was soon expelled due to her aggressive use of vise grips. Scary then joined a gang of disbarred dentists, known as “The Tooth Yankers” and together, they act out their angst by extracting the teeth of the citizens of Durham.

HERcules

HERcules is pissed off that male historians recorded her in mythology as a man, and thinks that ass Hera probably put them up to it. Having defeated lions, boars, hydra, bulls, and man-eating mares, this demi-goddess is ready for a vacation and thought an arm-wrestling tournament sounded relaxing… plus, Hippolyta’s girdle is getting worn out, and she needs a new belt.

Medusa

For centuries Medusa has gotten a bad reputation from her unique talent: turning anyone who dared to stare at her into stone. While that part was true, the whole bit about Perseus beheading her was clearly a lie spawned by the jealous Athena who simply felt insecure around Medusa. Now this smokin’ hot Gorgon is re-writing her own ending and it starts with taking down the ladies of LUEWWD.

Wonder Bread and the Lunch Bunch

Brace yourselves America. This may be hard to swallow. Wonder Bread and the Lunch Bunch are about to bring your greatest fears to life…LUNCH HAS BROKEN OUT OF THE BOX. And, high fructose corn syrup really is a food group. Wonder Bread is packing a powerful punch of essential vitamins and minerals. This FULL LOAF OF FIERCE will toast you and make you eat the heels. Competitors be warned: if you cut off her crust, it’ll only make her mad. If you’re WONDERING how long she can stay fresh, you’ve already made a mistake. With Twinkie the Kid, Little Debbie, Peanut Butter and Jelly by her side, WONDER BREAD NEVER EXPIRES.

LUEWWD V: Ghouls Gone Wild

Benefiting Child S.A.F.E. / Darkness to Light

October 2011

Peter Pain

Peter Pain and the lost boyz hail from the hood of Neverland where they don’t take no crap from no one. Tink-the-Tankerbell, a sassy winged nymph, runs, er.. flies with Peter and the boyz.  Pete’s already taken a hand off a nasty, trash-talking captain and won’t hesitate to do the same to any challengers – this time, bare-handed! No amount of happy thoughts, sparkle dust, or even scantily clad fairies can save you from the wrath of Peter Pain!

Sassy McKlassy

Nobody knows where Sassy McKlassy came from before she was dropped off at the St. Patrick’s Orphanage for Difficult Girls in Dublin, Ireland, but everyone knew that when they saw her fiery ginger fro coming down the High Street, they had best turn the other way lest they run afoul of her matching fiery temper. By age 12 she had been kicked out of three schools and many more pubs besides. After losing her job at a local whiskey distillery for drinking up the profits she decided to leave the old country, and so, carrying with her a shillelagh as her sole worldly possession, she stowed away on a Russian freighter bound for the United States. On board she honed her already considerable wrestling skills by challenging the stokers and boiler tenders, and by the time she landed, her emerald green eyes were set firmly on winning the LUEWWD 5 title.

Anabelle Lecter

Annabelle Lecter, is the sister of the infamous Hannibal. Even more diabolical than her brother she too, has a taste for human flesh. After evading authorities for years she was captured and charged with multiple murder counts. At her arraignment she broke free of security and disfigured the judge. She was sentenced to life in solitary confinement at San Quentin. Escorted by authorities she is only able to compete tonight wearing a facemask for everyone’s protection.

Senorita Smack-Man

Once of the Parish Convent Hearts Mountains Roses of Guadalupe, Senorita Smack-Man was expelled for spreading her fruits in a violent fashion.  After spending a wild but short stint as the reigning luchadora of all the land she found herself bored and in need of a greater challenge.  It was then that la Senorita took up the arm wrestling.  Quickly, she gained a cult following of local ghoulishly sexy dominatrixes.  Now prowling the streets with her raza of dominating ghosts, Senorita Smack-Man and the Fantasmas Fantasticas strike sexy fear in the hearts of all who crosses them.

Inga Foesmasher

Inga Foesmasher came into the world weighing in at just over 17 pounds and screaming at the top of her lungs.  Frightened by her freakish size and fierce spirit, her nomadic, peace-loving tribe cast her out into the frozen tundra of her nordic homeland. There she was raised by polar bears and then at 13, taken in by an old hermit who only knew the ways of the ancient viking warriors.  Forged into a weapon by her past, Inga now makes her way by traveling the world with a few trusted cohorts, fighting for whatever prize she can get. Undefeated, she arrives in Durham ready to continue her domination of all who dare try to oppose her.

Ruby Red

After landing here in the Triangle, Ruby Red has been searching for the Great Wizard in hopes that he will grant her the power to give mercy. More than a dirt devil, some say she is a whirlwind force to be reckoned with. It is an epic quest- but until she finds that wizard, we should all beware of her malevolence!

Cap’n Slammit

Cap’n Slamit has been using the combined powers of Gaia for centuries to slam upper-extremity villains! She is summoned by the combined powers of her entourage once again to take on the Ghouls of Durham. Her training consists of smashing people who don’t recycle, lifting and tossing logging machinery, and saving Japan from nuclear energy plant meltdown.

Luscious Lioness

Ever since the kingdom of Oz realized the sham of the great Wizard, things have been in shambles. The Luscious Lioness has had to spend the last couple of generations defending her family’s honor after granddaddy Cowardly Lion and brother Languishing Lion, sullied the family name with their timidity and fearfulness. To reclaim the power of her family name, the Luscious Lioness and her Wizard of Od cast-aways traveled to Durham to take on the Ghouls Gone Wild!

LUEWWD IV: Call to Arms

Benefiting Girls Rock NC

July 2011

Princess Slaya

After Darth Vader destroyed her home planet of Alderaan, Princess Slaya became bitter with the universe. She has her sights on Earth and is actively seeking to overtake the earthlings and claim the planet as her own. She has vowed to crush any opponent that gets in her way. Disgusted by human society and their insipid thoughts, she has built brain washing robots of superior intelligence to support her on the mission. They look and appear like Snookie to ensure that all of the mindless morons of earth will pay attention and succumb to THE POWER OF PRINCESS SLAYA!

Splint-Her-Face

The mysterious, but sultry younger sister of Splinter, Splint-Her-Face has toured most of Western Europe, Asia, and parts of the Congo “splintering the arms of opponents” on the World Arm Wrestling Tour.  Not just a talented martial arts/arm-wrestling rat, her other awards include “Best Digestion” in the NYC Beauty Contest, as well as numerous appearances in Electrolysis commercials.  Hungry for a major win on the East Coast, she’s aching to “splint off the arms of her opponents and use them for BBQ style ribs.” Watch out, she bites!

Breelzabub

Breelzabub was born in the very far north, but was soon banished to the south for causing too much trouble.  Legends say she arm wrestled God for control of heaven and won, but preferred the hot south to the cold north.  She now tempts the good people of Durham with promises of alcohol, physics and loose women.  We all knew the devil would be blond.

The Ringmaster

It was a muggy night in the darkest swamp in the land. There was a wicked moon hanging high in the stars with the sound of a child’s cry riding through the trees on the tail of the wind. A baby sprung up out of the murky water and was taken in by the swamp oysters. They were tough but a musical bunch…She was raised on swamp goo and alligator milk until her teeth were strong enough to bite through snake skin and all the other creatures in the pond…she even ate the oysters. As she grew she learned the ways of the world and longed for a life on the road. So, with no other attributes than brute animalistic strength, she wrestled chimpanzees for cash. Along the way she met a few freakishly interesting, um, people and formed a traveling carnival. The Ringmaster and her debauched crew have traveled all the way from Disney World to unknown lands and have returned to America to battle the champion.

Cat ‘O Nine Tails

Cat ‘O Nine Tails is a yowling, feral stray who settled in Durham after years of prowling the woods. She and her pack have been seen traveling the streets, late at night, looking for some well-meaning animal lover to rough up. Don’t cross this kitty—her claws will come out!!

Sustainable Sue

Sue fell out the back of the truck when she was 7, right in front of the county dump. She sought shelter under a cardboard box and learned to use #5 containers to collect water to drink with the edible garbage. When the garbage trucks crushed her home and cisterns, she went on a crusade. She used every ounce of her body, every INCH of her body, to fight for recycling so other kids could survive in the dump. Now she’s ready to fight YOU with her one good arm!

Little Big Red

Let’s get Little Big Red’s story straight. Grandmother was never sick and there sure as heck wasn’t any chicken soup in the basket Little Big Red was carrying. Little Big Red went over the river and through the woods to KICK SOME ASS. With one toss of her ax, she split a hunter’s gun in half before he could murder the young wolf family living there. The hunter ran off, terrified at the strength of this one little girl. Now, Little Big Red and her Hoodlums take care of anyone who needs her protection…or anyone who challenges her to an arm wrestling contest.

Thin Tizzy

Thin Tizzy’s been chillin’ in Dublin, letting the humidity do it’s thing with her Lynott Fro, wiping the Guinness head from her pencil stache, and practicing her arm-wresting form with the hurling champs of Dublin (the sport and otherwise). Don’t let her small stature fool you. She’s got all the Dublin boys running scared.

LUEWWD III: Bleeding Hearts, Broken Parts

Benefiting the Dove House, Housing for New Hope 

February 2011

Turdley McStinkfinger

Turdley McStinkfinger was born in a steaming pig sty in central Iowa. Arising from the rich dark manure which fertilized her fighting spirit and chiseled bod, this woman is all organic material baby! She can identify bull shit, horse shit, guano, and even humanure from 2 miles away. Watch that stinkfinger, if you cross her you might wind up with a Dirty Sanchez! When she’s not shoveling and moving manure, she can be found baking cow pies with her cousin Ze Lunch Lady. Turdley McStinkfinger is a true force of nature!

 

The Peacemaker

The Peacemaker is an ethereal being from a groovier time and place.  After a bad trip, the Peacemaker came back with a slightly altered mantra…”tune in, turn on, punch out”.  The Peacemaker traded in “sex, drugs and rock n’roll” for the cries of the vanquished, the blood of the enemy, and diet Sundrop.  The Peacemaker favors natural fibers and hate beads crafted from the teeth of her enemies.  That’s not patchouli you smell, it’s FEAR!

Plishia da Black Panther

Plishia da Black Panther was raised in an unknown African jungle, eating only snakes, lions, and dirt. She came to America as a mail order bride only to be lied to and cheated on. Now she’s out to punish all women that are not plus size or who look like the shank who stole her beloved Wilber….the only problem is she’s  never actually seen her. Thus she punishes all American looking women just to make sure!!!

Phoenix Rising

Phoenix Rising was blessed upon the Carolina Phoenix Women’s Football team in 2007 where she immediately tackled every person in sight. Soon, opponents realized the only way to stop her force was to break her leg.  Unbeknownst to them, Phoenixes don’t die but are reborn angrier. Phoenix Rising rose from the ashes of bone left behind and began arm tackling every person in sight. Unfortunately for you, she is seeking revenge by breaking arms and she is here today to break yours!

Bama Banger

Although she may not have made it to the final round in October, this wrestler is a force to be reckoned with. The crowd has yet to see the crushing, bestial strength of Bama that folks back home shudder to think about.  Contestants, this is Bama’s tournament and you’re standing in her way.

Zap

Zap was a wildcard in October and made it all the way to the championship round only to fall to Phoenix Rising. This former Gladiator and international Jazzercising star is back to win that elusive belt.

Paula Bunyan

Paula Bunyan, the illegitimate daughter of Paul Bunyan, spent her time perfecting the art of cutting down trees until she fell in love with an environmentalist who showed her the error of her ways.  When that environmentalist ran off to save the whales instead, Paula didn’t know where to channel her rage.  Unwilling to return to her lumberjack roots, she instead turned to arm wrestling everything in sight.  Babe the Blue Ox now runs crying to his mom whenever he sees Paula approaching.  Go ahead and make fun of her plaid – she’s just waiting for an excuse to crush you.

Marry Derm

Mary Derm, an original Durham resident, worked in the tobacco factory for 67 years. When she retired, she pursued her real passion- boxing. But a female boxer was simply unheard of. So she cut her hair short to “pass” and punched out all the local boxers. When those boys realized they were beaten by a LADY, they tried to run her out of town. However, Mary’s love of Durham was too strong to leave. Defiantly, Mary wandered the streets jobless and unable to box. Then one day she stumbled across a poster on a light pole: LUEWWD. And here she is, ready to release a whole lot of built up tension. Wrestlers beware.

LUEWWD II: The Bitch is Back

Benefiting InStepp

October 2010

Monster Cookie

LUEWWD I Champion Monster Cookie is back to defend her title. Those of you lucky enough to see the first event will remember the grueling final round as Cookie and Ze Monsta battled for the belt. Now Ze Monsta is back with a new name, a new face and a helluva sweet tooth. But she’ll have to wait her turn because there’s a line of other LUEWWD wrestlers waiting to get a piece of this:

The Red Menace

Born and raised in the secret passageways of the Great Wall of China, The Red Menace spent her free time arm wrestling dragons for fortune cookies. When she had beaten every dragon in China, she crossed the Pacific in search of more challenging opponents. Other contestants beware: The Red Menace has a black belt in ninja arm wrestling skills and dragon blood running through her veins.

Hardcore Heidi

Born in Chicago, Hardcore Heidi was snatched from her home and whisked off to West Virginia by a band of mountain cannibals. Unwilling to hunt neighbors for food, Heidi got her grub by wrestling bears and gnawing on coal, until she escaped to freedom by swimming through a piranha infested sewage pipe. Rather than therapy, Heidi channeled her rage into the mosh pits of the mid-80s Appalachian punk. Soon, even the hardcore music scene became too tame. Heidi moved to North Carolina to wrestle alligators, sharks, and studly young surfers in the open water leading her swim teammates to dub her Hardcore.  In her spare time she likes to solve for X.

Phoenix Rising

Phoenix Rising was blessed upon the Carolina Phoenix Women’s Football team in 2007 where she immediately tackled every person in sight. Soon, opponents realized the only way to stop her force was to break her leg.  Unbeknownst to them, Phoenixes don’t die but are reborn angrier. Phoenix Rising rose from the ashes of bone left behind and began arm tackling every person in sight. Unfortunately for you, she is seeking revenge by breaking arms and she is here today to break yours!

Bama Banger

Raised in the southern pines by a herd of whitetail deer, Bama Banger spent her youth shaking hunters from their tree stands. Now she tramps in Eno River State Park, where the whitetail run free. If you listen closely, you can her bellow TOWANDA into the cool North Carolina air, longing for her home state. But roaming the wild has left Bama Banger with a bestial strength that will topple all opponents.  Beware.

LUEWWD note: in the above picture Bama is reminiscing about her loss to Monster Cookie in LUEWWD I and imagining the taste of sweet revenge.

 

Ze Lunch Lady

After completing a rehab program and with a healthy dose of antipsychotics, Ze Monsta is BACK as Ze Lunch Lady, lunchroom superhero! She’s been cleared to serve your kids sloppy joes and serve her fellow contestants a steaming bowl of KICK ASS! In her free time Ze Lunch Lady likes to bench press crates of peach preserves and shot put naughty children. She’s ready to burn some cookies, whip some honey, and fry up some calamari!

Bea Yotch

When she’s not goin’ muddin’ in her Ford Expedition XLT or shootin’ squirrels with her bb gun, she’s hustling the local boys and embarrassing them in front of their girl friends. She’s beaten just about every guy in the trailer park and she has the hash marks tattoos on her right bicep to prove it!  She’s ruthless and crude and believes she’ll bulldoze through the LUEWWD lineup and hopes to one day have a shot at taking down monster cookie.  Sarah Palin ain’t got sh*t on… BEA YOTCH!!!!

Zap

Zap is no stranger to the ring. She worked the American Gladiators Circuit for 8 years before trading in her jousting pole for something more challenging. She has dominated in other events such as freestyle truck pull and set the World Record while competing in the Tri State hay bail jumping championship. She was also the last standing at the International Jazzercise-a-thon, a 32 day event of aerobic dancing. She lives on a steady diet of egg yokes and opponent’s tears.

LUEWWD I: Inaugural Event

Benefiting the Durham Crisis Response Center

June 2010

Madame de Mort

After being disowned by her father, a feared Russian mafia boss, for refusing to an arranged marriage, Madame de Mort joined a band of gypsies and traveled performing various death-defying acts with Cirque de Demence. Madame de Mort is best known for arm wrestling pythons and her incredible psychic and fortune telling abilities. She arrived in the US five years ago with her band of gypsies and has been looking for a good arm wrestling challenge since python wrestling is illegal in this country.

El Pulpo Feroz

El Pulpo Feroz was born and raised in the small, remote village of San Ramon de Guadalupe east of Cancun, Mexico. She was a kind and gentle soul until the summer of 2000 when some American frat boys on a booze cruise killed her parents and siblings by alcohol poisoning. The jocks flooded their village with rum runners and Miller Lite. Now El Pulpo Feroz is here for revenge. She has nothing to lose, and she is pissed. So, you better not be wearing a pink Polo shirt with a popped collar or Ray-Bans on the back of your head…

 

 

The Beastal

The Beastal is a first generation South-East Asian American born and bred in the bandit abundant Pirate Country aka Greenville, NC.  She was predestined to roam the rough slums and streets of Mumbai with the rest of her clan residing in her mother-land country of India.  Inevitably, the Beast was unleashed when she had no choice but to learn how to take care of business street-style, using the power of her biceps on the arm wrestling table.  While caring for so many unsightly arm injuries she decided to become a nurse.  She is now a Durham resident whose nursing career has allowed her to mend patients with traumatic injuries to upper extremity muscles after wicked duels. Even though Beastal’s arms are made of pure cold lead, her heart is not.  Being a part of the bad ass arm wrestlin’ ladies allows her to enjoy the pleasure of defeating rivals while simultaneously raising funds for an organization such as the DCRC.  The importance of instilling strength in women is a goal she reaches for and what better way to do so than through womanly strength and pride.  Arm wrestling for such a cause is an empowering and creative means to evoke involvement from local businesses and the community.  This event will raise awareness of the importance of organizations such as the DCRC and the Beastal is proud to have a part in such an affair.

Monster Cookie

Monster Cookie is a bit of a local legend. We know that she is a woman of the world who is frequently jet setting to South Africa, Louisiana and her homeland at the heart of Mecklenburg County. It’s not clear how she landed here in Durham but rumor has it that she came in a swirling storm of pink and black crinoline dancing the tarantella on bar tops from Charlotte to Durham.  Legend suggests that it’s wise to leave her story a mystery – but other contestants ought to be aware of three things: 1) she is a fierce and fearless competitor; 2)if her words don’t snap you in half, her arm will; and 3)oatmeal cookies are her kryptonite.

Bama Banger

Raised in the southern pines by a herd of whitetail deer, Bama Banger spent her youth shaking hunters from their tree stands. Now she tramps in Eno River State Park, where the whitetail run free. If you listen closely, you can her bellow TOWANDA into the cool North Carolina air, longing for her home state. But roaming the wild has left Bama Banger with a bestial strength that will topple all opponents.  Beware.

Honeymuff Homewrecker

Honeymuff is a heartbreaking man stealer who has learned to defend herself from angry wives. She has left a string of broken homes along the Eastern seaboard by winning her men in a showdown on the wrestling table. She admits that’s it more about the love of the game and the smell of the fight than it is about the prize.

Lena the Lewd

Lena the Lewd came to be after a prolonged exposure to lutefisk, homogenized milk, and the movie Fargo. You see, Lena was mysteriously separated at birth from her twin and wound up in the hands of the infamously foul Minnesota State Fair Carnies (the most evil of all Carnie folks,) pushing Hotdish-on-a-stick to the masses of Garrison Keillor lookalikes (so very scary) and their Children of the Corn.  After years of being subjected to the conventions of Midwest Nice and its residual effect of stifling of any kind of disorderly demeanors, Lena the Lewd can’t help but now to act out in fits of expletive profanity and brash brute behavior.  F’in uff da! Now the time has come for Lena to confront her obscure origin and sordid upbringing to take on the girl she could have become- The Mountee!

Ze Monsta

Discovered in the foothills of the Carpathian Mountains, she left a wake of destruction wherever she went. Locally known as ‘Ze Monsta,’ she is a triple survivor of rabies, the black plague, and nuclear winter. It took a team of 20 highly skilled trackers to find, subdue and capture her. With one unfortunate exception, she has remained in captivity ever since. Her continued bondage has rendered her more and more feral…. And it’s that time of the month. Ze Monsta is a woman to be feared.